Getting closer to the core.

Pam was slowly typing word by word while observing the environment discretely. Worker next to her seemed to be busy with his own stuff, but Pam couldn't help to notice him peeking on her computer screen from time to time. Also, he was moving a lot while working, which made Pam nervous. Office work. That's how you do it. You don't.
Having just finished her part of job, Pam was anxious to go home and munch on the leftovers from lunch that she decided to take home for supper. It was Chinese food. Full portion, which is like two for Pam normally.
But well, it's not because of Chinese food that Pam opened up this small InPrivate session to write her blog illegaly during work. It's her excitement because of what's in front of her. New life, new chapter, new people, new things. Just thinking about packing bags and leaving everything behind made her sigh with pleasure. That's what should be done already long time ago, she thought. Of course, quitting her job would be the most difficult task in the world. How can you tell all those people who took care of you for last few months that you're quitting.
Pam had a plan. A top secret plan. A mission which should be accomplished on the day of her birthday. D-Day. Wait for it!

Another crossroads.

Pam sighed and looked at white box to insert new post to this blog. Pam is in a slump again. Standing in front of a huuuuge crossroads. And there are a few roads. Way too many. Pam can follow a scary road of something she believes is her dream. She can follow a route of career where she can do what she likes. She can give it all up for love and choose an even different road.
Pam remember words she read on a blog of someone with similar dream (that came true but came together with other difficulties). You never know what's gonna happen. But if something happens, there must be a reason for that. Meeting some people, parting with others - it all has its meaning. Noone can underestimate those little experiences that make you who you are.
Being sad and lonely is natural. We have to fight it and be strong. Only then can we create lives that we had always dreamt about.

Let's be strong!

Is it a hurricane?

Pam wasn't sure whether it's better to shout, cry, hit the wall with her head or just throw it all and go far far away. She was seriously considering knocking her head into wall, but as she couldn't calm down in the office she was now sitting outside of the building and the closest wall was made of glass, so knocking into it would end inbloody masacre all around, especially in office on the other side of the wall. She wanted to cry, but hey, was it embarassing! She didn't want to look like a baby in the office!
She tried calling someone..... noone picked up their phones. Life's cruel, Pam thought reminiscensing her fight with one German..... girl from her companie's subsidary in Germany. How narrow minded she was! But Pam was also being emotional and full of anger, so she wrote a few harsh mails too. She hated herself for that.

And she also started thinking that everything in her life felt like matching pieces of puzzles. She did first thing and it was the first puzzle. She could start her actual job because she did what she did earlier, and it was also an effect of her choices earlier... Everything was like a chain reaction, and everyone knows that chain reactions usually end with a big BOOOOOOM!
Pam was thinking about this end more that earlier, especially lately. Is it coming anytime soon? Or should I take some risks again?

And here it comes, from nowhere, another chance for Pam. Now, will she take up the challenge?

Is it the right way?

Pam was sitting in a small cafe for third hour already, thinking about what has to come. She remembers the enthusiasm and energy when she decided to host people at her new flat. People who travel are always interesting, no exemption. They have this kind of independance and feeling of freedom around them that Pam always wanted to have. But here she is, hiding outside to stay away from the traveller being hosted at her place and his smelly shoes which he wore for the last few months of travelling.
Pam is far from feeling any maternal instincts so she doesn't know what to do with the fact that he wants her to feed her and wash his clothes. Like.... what? Gosh....
Meanwhile, she was thinking about whether was she was doing till now was correct way for her. Starting job in new company, getting a higher pay, renting an apartment and forgetting about moving to another country for another 2 years. Also, not doing much with her love to Japan and China, although deep down she just wanted to settle down somewhere in Asia with a loving husband and enjoy being together, then maybe find a nice job and do it not for money, but because she likes and wants to do it... The husband would have to be rich though. Which is not very easy to find.
Well, time to go, thought Pam while shaking of a shiver on a thought of smelly shoes of the small Japanese traveller that she was hosting. Life's not that easy, isn't it.

Here we go!

The ceiling was white. As white as it can be. Pam closed her eyes and changed her position to another side. She was lying down on an empty floor in yellowish empty room. This is my new home, she thought feeling very weird. She rented an apartment after planning it for the last 5 months or even more. She knew it will become hard for her, with all financial stuff and all, but it was her dream. Which came true.

After starting a new job in Japanese company, her life changed a bit. Pam became less sociable and more sensitive. Monday to Friday from 7 am when she was leaving home till 7 pm when she was coming back home she was only working. Then on Saturday she would sleep in, eat something and go to dance practice. Then Sunday was a day for pretending that she was actually doing something, and then, as if she had never expected it, Monday was coming and the cycle was starting again.

Moving to new apartment was a bit of a disturbance in the routine schedule, so it felt like a fresh breeze and something very exciting for Pam. Now is the time to actually enjoy the single life, she thought while closing door and going back home.

The air is moving.

Pam blinked her eyes a few times trying to confirm if she's fully awake. But yes, here she is, sitting at a table with five serious Japanese businessmen, one German and two Polish specialists in laser cutting machines sales. With one ear she heard music played on harp, performed live. As expected from 5-star Sheraton hotel's restaurant. Looking at the price list on menu that she was handed, she felt dizzy, but she chose randomly one dish and gave the menu back to the waiter. Those people will be Pam's new cooworkers or bosses. It was hard to imagine. While the other new Polish employees were discussing entering on Polish market and the Polish market's circumstances, Pam was busy asking her new Japanese boss about his kittens. Apparently, one was called Mimi (which means 'ear'), because when they found him he was white with only his ears black - now he turned grey everywhere. The other one was called Ni-chan (ni means 'two'), pronouncing it Nii-chan would mean older brother too. When the aswer from the serious Japanese businessmen sounded in the atmosphere, Pam felt quite awkward. I should be talking serious talk, she thought while stuffing her mouth with spaghetti with prawn and broccolli.

This way, Pam's life started to change. Noone knew if it's the right way to go, but if Pam don't try walking this way, she wouldn't know, right? That's why she decided to try, even if she lost everything three months later, after her trial period ends.

What she saw?

"Right now, you can only see only in 40%".

A dreadful sentence spouted from optician's mouth after completing examination of Pam's eyes. Starting her job on full-time basis made Pam go to lots of doctors, checking everything so that she is ready for work, and here it turns out that Pam's vision worsened. Great. Well, it's a good timing anyway. Pam's glasses broke down, literally, and it was the last pair of contact lenses too. Everything is fine, but to think that Pam was seeing only in 40% was something that changed all of Pam's outlook on life.

So, I might have not seen the important things, was what Pam was thinking. Maybe life ain't as bad as I was seeing it. Pam interpreted this sentence not in regards to her vision but to her way of living. Let's think about my new glasses as a pink ones, and see and experience the world in 100% - she decided.