The air is moving.

Pam blinked her eyes a few times trying to confirm if she's fully awake. But yes, here she is, sitting at a table with five serious Japanese businessmen, one German and two Polish specialists in laser cutting machines sales. With one ear she heard music played on harp, performed live. As expected from 5-star Sheraton hotel's restaurant. Looking at the price list on menu that she was handed, she felt dizzy, but she chose randomly one dish and gave the menu back to the waiter. Those people will be Pam's new cooworkers or bosses. It was hard to imagine. While the other new Polish employees were discussing entering on Polish market and the Polish market's circumstances, Pam was busy asking her new Japanese boss about his kittens. Apparently, one was called Mimi (which means 'ear'), because when they found him he was white with only his ears black - now he turned grey everywhere. The other one was called Ni-chan (ni means 'two'), pronouncing it Nii-chan would mean older brother too. When the aswer from the serious Japanese businessmen sounded in the atmosphere, Pam felt quite awkward. I should be talking serious talk, she thought while stuffing her mouth with spaghetti with prawn and broccolli.

This way, Pam's life started to change. Noone knew if it's the right way to go, but if Pam don't try walking this way, she wouldn't know, right? That's why she decided to try, even if she lost everything three months later, after her trial period ends.

What she saw?

"Right now, you can only see only in 40%".

A dreadful sentence spouted from optician's mouth after completing examination of Pam's eyes. Starting her job on full-time basis made Pam go to lots of doctors, checking everything so that she is ready for work, and here it turns out that Pam's vision worsened. Great. Well, it's a good timing anyway. Pam's glasses broke down, literally, and it was the last pair of contact lenses too. Everything is fine, but to think that Pam was seeing only in 40% was something that changed all of Pam's outlook on life.

So, I might have not seen the important things, was what Pam was thinking. Maybe life ain't as bad as I was seeing it. Pam interpreted this sentence not in regards to her vision but to her way of living. Let's think about my new glasses as a pink ones, and see and experience the world in 100% - she decided.

What makes us happy?

Pam smirked while reading an article from more or less trust-worthy website about how Facebook influences our sense of happiness. It was a slow 12-hours night shift and Pam and her colleague finished more than half of the workload, so they could take a short breather - Pam's colleague went to the back office to fall in the arms of Morpheus while Pam was playing with computer with no clue about what to do with herself. And then she found this article. Well, it's true. Watching friends' and friends' friends' facebook updates, one would think that their life is perfect. They are so active, they travel a lot, party even more, they always look neat and pretty and they must have no worries on their minds. That makes others depressed with themselves. Why am I sitting on facebook while everyone is so active? - they are asking themselves. Pam knew that feeling, but it was quite some time that she decided not to compare herself with others. And the facebook-inducted-unhappiness? To hell with that! I would never feel depressed because of facebook, she thought.
Pam hesitated a bit and then logged off facebook. Just in case, just in case.

First times are always special.

Out of all the weird things Pam experienced today, the weirdest would be Pam's first visit to gynecologist. Especially that the doctor was a men, who seemed to have a great fascination for women's vaginas. It started all with a small chat with the doctor, who enthusiastically told Pam that what matters for him is to establish relations with his patients based on trust. Like in psychologist's office. And after a long lecture about how the contraception pills are not as evil as they are saying, he started the basic examination. Which was even weirder. He was doing stuff while asking about Pam's job, about tourism industry, and during ultrasound he was exclaiming 'What a beautiful vagina!', 'Look!', 'Ovary!!!'. Pam was not sure whether to cry or laugh. Or like the doctor was talking about younger patients coming to him, but then correcting himself that yes, Pam is still young, don't worry, there are also over 25 years old girls coming too, he was comforting. No, it's impossible to trust a gynecologist who looked to thousands of vaginas in his life, though Pam while paying an enormous total price for the examination. Once a year is hell enough!

Take a deep breath and carry on!

A toy collector. An intern whose job was to make promotional videos. A modern artist whose ambition was to prepare a vodka, which would gleam in the dark. English school students. Snoring like a pig traveller from Serbia/Germany. Japanese pilot. Black immigrant who came from Italy. Native bus driver, whose bus broke down. Polish couple who came to discover the country. A guy whose name is Paris.


Pam talked with a lot of people on her trip to Malta. A lot of people talked to Pam too. Malta gave Pam the warmth she needed - the sun was bright and the temperatures exceeded 35 Celsius degrees. Rocky beaches, clear sea, relaxed atmosphere and silling people. What can be better than to take a breather in a place like this after working your butt off for a poor salary.

But Pam was happy to come back. Her work was giving her pleasures that not many people would be satisfied with. Just being able to observe people in such a close distance was amazing enough. Receiving chocolates from flight attendants, having people call her name directly, listening stories about other countries, being useful for others. Pam likes to be mean, but likes to smile too.

And some people just smile so brightly. Because life is amazing. Just people cannot see it!

Pam nodded her head while munching on a sandwich with warm bacon, stolen from the breakfast buffet prepared for the hotel guests. Yes, life is brilliant. I love bacon, added Pam and swallowed the last bite.

Mysteriousness breeds curiosity.

Pam has one unique characteristic. She hates to be late. No, it's not the unique thing. Pam hates to be late, so she usually starts preparing too early. It happens that the bus doesn't come until 30 minutes later, but Pam is all ready and rolled in her clothing, waiting next to the door, like a dog who hasn't been taken for a walk for a whole day. The same happens now with Malta holidays. Pam feels itchy to start preparing already, but it's still so much time left that she's trying to wait for longer. And while she's waiting, she uses enourmous period of time on doing nothing. And thinking. And there is a lot to think about.

Just some few days ago, Pam waved her friend, Ellen, good bye. Ellen went to UK to spend one year on observing Englishmen and studying in Oxford University. But Pam supposes, she will spend more time on observing. Or at least that's what I would be doing there, Pam said to herself. Just before Ellen left, they spent with Pam one afternoon on talking about their other friend Kate. Kate was the missing element of the P.E.K. Triple. Always the missing element actually. While Pam and Ellen talked about absolutely everything, starting from Asian stuff, through everyday topics and ending on some disgusting things, Kate was always the one to listen, never talk. Pam and Ellen tried so many times to make Katy talk about herself, by making her drunk, but it never work. No, Kate doesn't seem to be very strong when it comes to drinking alcohol. It's just that she never drinks. Pam sighed quietly.

Pam, Kate and Ellen started hanging out together long after they first met. Kate and Pam were in the same group in middle school, but Katy was the good girl, liked by everyone, both teachers and the student, while Pam was rather the outcast, who never knew who to hang out with. Pam remebered when Kate was the only person within their group who refused to play hookey and stayed behind at school. Everyone was very angry on her, but what Pam was thinking then was quite different. Something that was supposed to be fun (it was Pam's first time to ditch school), bored her to death and she was quite impressed by Kate's assertivenes. How did Pam and Kate start to be friends? Pam believes it's the French class that made them even talk. Or was it not?

With Ellen, the story went different, at least for Pam. In middle school, Ellen was in a different group and Pam doesn't remeber much about her. Then, when she saw the list of people that got into University on the same major as her, there it was. Name and surname that seemed quite familiar. The next coincidence was Katy calling Pam to meet her and Ellen on Ellen's brother's concert. On which Katy didn't come.

Thinking about it, it should be Kate that Pam knows more about, but that was not true. Pam didn't know anything. Neither did Ellen. The less Katy was talking about herself, the more Pam and Ellen were imagining. The secret life of Kate. And it must be quite an interesting life, Pam thought. After all, you never know where Kate is. Once she's in Paris, once in Rzeszów, another time she's thinking of going to Iceland, the next she's studying in UK. What Pam was imagining sometimes is three of them meeting in 40-50 years, as old grannies and the Kate would say: "You know girls, actually when you thought I'm in Brzozów, I was actually........" or something close to that.

Kate, if you ever read this, please do tell us more, Pam thought as she decided to end this never-ending post and start preparing to work. Again too early.

Somewhere is better than anywhere.

Lately Pam's levels of frustration has been reported as high, according to Pam herself and other signs around. She's been feeling tired and a bit down, as she feels that her life is standing in one place again. Well, she's enjoying her job, although it's tiring her out, especially the night shifts, which she has in number of 13 in the next month's schedule, but directing complains to manager didn't do her any good. "Everyone has that many night shifts", she was told, which was obviously a lie, since the number of night shifts per person doesn't exceed 8, at least that's what the schedule clearly shows. But there's no talk with the manager, who doesn't work night shifts, neither the weekends, and gets the salary twice as big as Pam's.

Just another 10 days and I'll be off on holidays, thought Pam while standing at the front desk, faking smiles to the guests who were running around the lobby and shouting loudly to each other. Yes, guys, you should shout louder, she thought and scratched her knee. 21st of August is the day when she was planning to forget about the job completely. She decided to forget about everything else that made her frustrated too and just indulge herself in sunbathing, swimming in the sea and exploring Malta. Travelling alone has its good points. No need to adjust your plans to someone else's, no need to worry about your friend going off somewhere and leaving you alone.

Actually, Pam had a few things to think through while on her holidays. Her career. Her plans to move out from home next year, without making her family angry on her for that. Her self-development. Her future. There are so many things that were worrying her, that she needed time to sit and do nothing, which was obviously impossible while working normally.

Starting a new blog was supposed to be a sign that Pam is starting anew again. She will definitely get out of the slump, she just doesn't know how to, as of yet.